Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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