I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Randomize