Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
