I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
