just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
