im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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