But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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