alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Randomize
