I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
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