all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
