He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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