based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
