I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
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