What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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