you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I won't apologize to a one balled man
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
