At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
