Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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