I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
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