ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
