after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
