Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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