im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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