So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Randomize
