In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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