I think im going to throw up on grandma
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Randomize
