No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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