what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
