Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
