Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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