her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
