i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
