Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Randomize
