Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
