Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
