Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
