i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
