I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize