so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
