those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
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