Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
