I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Randomize