Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
