Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
