I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
