So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Randomize