I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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