idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Randomize
