I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
