Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Randomize