she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
