I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
