hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
