He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
