i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
