Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
