hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize