I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Randomize
