im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize