Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
