Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
