I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
