I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
