if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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