Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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