I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
