Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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