I just saw a hot homeless man
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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