38 yer olds are good kisserssss
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
