Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
