I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
