I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
