Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize